As kids head back to school and phone bans in classrooms take center stage, there’s another space where phone use needs attention—home. While it’s important to regulate phone use in schools, parents also need to reflect on their own habits with technology. The focus should shift not only on kids’ screen time but on how parental phone use impacts family life.
Many parents are quick to point out how glued their children are to their phones, but what if the issue runs deeper? Teens I work with often express frustration over their parents’ lack of attention due to phone use. They feel unheard and sometimes emotionally disconnected when their parents are more engaged with their screens than with them. This frustration leads many teens to seek solace in their own devices, watching videos or scrolling through social media. It’s a vicious cycle, where both parents and teens retreat into their digital worlds, further straining communication.
Recent research supports these concerns. A study published in JAMA Network Open calls this phenomenon “parental technoference”—when parents’ use of phones or other devices interrupts interactions with their children. The study found that increased levels of parental phone use were associated with higher levels of anxiety, inattention, and hyperactivity in children over time. While parents may not notice the immediate effects, their technology habits are subtly shaping their kids’ emotional well-being.
A Cycle of Technoference
Parents frequently tell me they feel ignored by their kids, who seem more interested in their phones than in family time. Feeling rejected, parents often turn to their own devices, further widening the gap between family members. What starts as a moment of distraction turns into a continuous cycle of disengagement, leaving both sides feeling disconnected and hurt.
This cycle can be difficult to break because it feels so natural to reach for a phone in idle moments. However, this behavior robs families of opportunities for meaningful conversations and quality time, leaving unresolved feelings and fractured relationships.
Breaking the Cycle
Families do not have to avoid phone use at all in order to achieve equilibrium. Therefore, small deliberate alterations are capable of bringing tremendous improvement. For phone etiquette to measure up to the desired standards, parents being the head of the family must set good examples for their children. This includes refraining from the use of phones in most of the family times and being attentive during conversations. A good approach to addressing the challenge is to create technology rules for everyone at home at the same time. Letting kids participate in such discussions makes them appreciate the signal of having limited device time and makes them part of the solution. Muting cell phones, for instance, not taking our gadgets to the dining table, or having areas in the house that are gadget-free zones is a good beginning. However, it applies these guidelines to the children they ought to apply the same to the elders as well. For this reason, parents must agree to follow the same set of rules in order to maintain consistency and trust in the child. For example, in my family, I have banned the use of my phone after 9:00 PM, and only my close family members can contact me in emergencies. This shows my kids that I also care for the time we spend together and I will sacrifice and fight off any interference to us.
Restoring Positive Connections
The key takeaway is that technology should enhance, not replace, human interaction. Parents need to be mindful of how much attention they give their devices, especially when their kids are seeking their attention. By being more present and reducing “technoference,” parents can strengthen their relationships with their children, leading to improved communication and emotional connection in family life.
So before pointing fingers at kids for their phone habits, parents should take a step back and examine their own behavior. Breaking the cycle of distraction doesn’t require extreme measures—just a little effort, mindfulness, and commitment to being present can make all the difference in creating a healthier family life.